On The Eve

I get on a plane tomorrow. Even writing that doesn’t seem to be real. I’m sitting in my living room watching KU with my family, and how can it be that I will be on a different continent tomorrow? I guess that’s why it’s so hard to be excited, or nervous, or really to feel anything at all right now. It just doesn’t seem like it’s really happening. I’ve been asked over and over again how excited I am, and I almost feel guilty to not say that I’m stoked and can’t wait to leave, because truth is, I’m not. I guess it might just be that I don’t know what to expect, but I find myself in denial that I’m really going. Maybe getting on that plane will reassure me that it’s not real, but I’m wishing that I could muster up some excitement that would get me through saying goodbye. 

More than anything, I’m just really nervous. I am definitely a plan-everything-out, structure my life person who needs order to keep me sane, and this trip is going to stretch my patience and flexibility more than I think it ever has been tested. It’s not a different country or being without my parents that scares me the most, it’s the unexpected. There’s so many things that could go wrong, and I find myself dwelling on them. My parents keep telling me how I need to learn to be flexible to make this trip enjoyable, but that is one tall order. I’m a worrier, and I’m going to worry. But this is the time that I need to give it all to God, because there is no way I can control every detail, and if I allow the road blocks to get in the way of my happiness and enjoyment, then I am going to lose out on the greatest opportunity of my life thus far. I guess it’s time to swallow my pride and my instincts and learn to go with the flow. 

This week I’ve been meditating on John 14:27, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” It’s given me great comfort to know that no matter how scared the world makes me or how I can’t imagine leaving everything familiar, I have a God who gives me peace. There’s a lot of uncertainty in Israel both politically and religiously, and I have heard my fair share of warnings from people. But I gain peace from knowing that God is in complete control of whatever is happening in this world, and nothing there happens that is not in His will. 

Welp, that’s my griping about my travel jitters. Please don’t think that I am not looking forward to these next 4 months, because I have been anticipating this for over a year. I guess it’s just been an emotional week, and once I get past the goodbyes and actually arrive in these places, I will be able to fully enjoy this amazing opportunity I have before me. I’m still working on being content, but I know that this will be a process, and it’s only the beginning. 

Since I won’t have access to my computer while in Europe, I will write about London and Edinburgh once I get settled into JUC (Jerusalem University College) and have time to upload pictures! Please pray for safe travels, flexibility in my attitude, and as few as possible issues during the next few weeks. My flight leaves at 3:30pm tomorrow, so if you would pray a little prayer then, I would appreciate it! 



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